♥ Inspiration: Read this meme and if it resonates with you, I invite you to read on…

♥ Insight: Something for you to ponder…

It’s not unusual when being confronted by yet another tantrum that many of us unwittingly turn the interaction into somewhat of a  ‘How-do-you-think-you’re-making-me-feel?’ fest. The trouble with this is that no one having a tantrum, regardless of their age, has the ability to consider the feelings of another in that very moment. Least of all our children.

When we attempt to turn the experience into a life lesson on the impact their ‘over the top behaviour’ is having on us, we have failed before we’ve even started. We need to know that. There is very little we can do in the midst of a tantrum that will result in any learning sinking in for a child. They are in a state of emotional turmoil and any attempt on our part to pull them out of it by getting them to see the impact of their behaviour will suck us into their vortex of upset as our own frustration escalates.

Let’s face it, it’s not easy to be an exhausted parent who is hanging on by the fingernails trying to do our very best. It’s extremely challenging in these moments to muster up the antidote to our racing ‘poor me’ thoughts. It’s also quite a stretch to consider the feelings of our tantruming child when we are completely flooded by our own big feelings; BUT that’s a major requirement of parenting. We don’t have to like it, or even agree with it, but we have to get our heads around it or we will spend the coming days resenting our children for their immature behaviour.

When my child launches into a full scale tantrum the quickest and easiest way for me to pull myself out of my ‘But-what-about-me’ whirlpool is this…

I look. That’s all I do, I really look. It takes just a few seconds for my eyes and ears to take in the sight and sounds of my child’s tantrum before my heart begins to feel the distress and discomfort that is unfolding before me. When I see and feel it for what it truly is, a desperate plea for my help, I begin to regain perspective and what I need to do becomes clear. I need to put my focus on supporting her through this moment of emotional overwhelm because that’s what is most needed. This is much worse on her than it is on me. She needs me to comfort and guide her and to do this I have to rise above my own neediness. Once I do, there is no reason for a struggle, no push and pull. I validate her upset and in my new found steady presence I convey that we will get through this. And we do. Every time.

♥ Intention: If you feel moved to set an intention for today, this could be it…

Today, if  (when) I find myself being pulled into the orbit of my child’s tantrum, I will steady myself before responding.  I will try not to say or to do anything. For just a few seconds, I will look. I will pay attention to what is going on for my child and imagine myself being in their body. I will not allow my head to spiral out to how this affects me, I will allow my heart to feel their upset and turmoil. I will remind myself that this very moment is not about me, it has to be all about them. My precious child is relying on me to guide them through their emotional discomfort, not join in or add more to it. Today I will look at my child’s tantrums with love.

 

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